Drawing From an Empty Well

14 years ago I had my first child. It was beautiful, stressful, exhausting….among other things. One of the best pieces of advice came from my mom. She said, “Katie, sleep when he sleeps. Other things can wait”.

I didn’t understand fully what she was really trying to tell me up until this year. You can’t draw from an empty well. You have to put your oxygen mask on first….do you know what I’m saying?

Most people I’ve met are pretty giving of themselves. We want to help others. I know I have wanted more energy/time to help more people, only to get to the end of the day with nothing left to give. I have wanted to be able to be a better mom mostly, but with work and church commitments, it seems like I am consistently left running on empty.

Is there anything that we can do about feeling like this? Is there a way to fill your own bucket? Yes, absolutely!

“I haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“When do I have time for that?”

When I hear people talk about not having time, I think to myself who’s in charge of your schedule? As adults, you have to make time for the things that are important to you. You have to create space for the things that you want in your life. If you want more time, say “No” to things more often. If you want to eat lunch, you have to turn your phone off and close your door so that you can take it. You don’t owe it to anyone to be on call to them 24/7…

Let’s talk about self-care. I know it sounds like a fad or just some trendy thing, but it really does wonders for your overall health. The best part about it is, it doesn’t have to take long. One thing that I like to do is get to the gym 5-10 mins early and sit in my car to meditate. After the gym I have been taking baths. Short ones, but I still get them with my David Lanz playing and the lights very dim. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car is healing for me.

Those are just a few of the ways I take self-care time out for me. Do you think that I had to alter my schedule or rearrange anything to add these things in? Not really, but their impact is profound. I suggest doing one thing that you enjoy everyday….just one. Also, consider saying “No” more often. Honor your time and energy by even just pausing to consider when someone asks you to do something. Even though you might feel like it, you aren’t obligated to say yes to anything just because someone asks you.

Ok, I want to know…what do you love to do? What did you love as a kid, or single person, that you want more of? What we focus on, we get more of…just sayin’

Our Story

I get to meet with a lot of people with the work I do. It’s humbling when people open up and share their story.

Last night I met a man who survived a suicide attempt. It was a gun shot to the head. He shared with me his story of how he grew up with a drug addicted mom and drug dealer dad. He endured abuse, and at age 13 started doing drugs and by 15 was using meth. He joined gangs and at 19 was beaten for 3 hours, stabbed 11 times I believe….I mean horrible, could easily have died from that. Then, was in a dark place at age 22 and decided to end his life. Thankfully, it was unsuccessful. He turned his life around and now wants to give back. I am impressed by him. He is in the process of writing a book, to share his story raw and real. He is going around speaking in schools talking about his experience growing up and feeling like he had no value. This man is amazing.

By his candor and vulnerability to open up and be real about the choices in his life and where that got him, it got me thinking about me sharing my story. The untold raw truth. Do I have the courage to share my own story? The hardest story for me to openly share is my own. I am fully aware that one day I will share it. I know there is value in it….but right now? I fear who it will hurt to tell the truth. Who will judge my choices?Who will see my mistakes and measure me against them, and how they add up?

I have made a lot of mistake….A LOT. I am not afraid to share it with people I trust, who know me. People who see me and know who I am. However, the world doesn’t know me. The world might judge me harshly and am I secure enough to endure the criticism?

Then there is the other side of the coin. What if my story can help someone? What if my story can bring healing and courage to someone who needs to hear it? Am I depriving that person of the help that they need because I am afraid? I’d like to think that I have a generous heart enough to open up about things and take the risk if it could help someone.

One day I will share the full story, when I’m ready to. I hear it gets easier the more that you share it. I guess when that day comes, I’ll let you know. It’s okay to only share bits of your story. It’s okay to share it all. The world may not be ready for it, but someone is. I suppose that’s not even the point.

We each have our own stories and that is what connects us to others. I love Brene’ Brown and how she talks about courage, compassion, and connection. First, you have to have courage. Courage to open up to someone (whom you trust), courage to reach out to someone you don’t know. Second, have compassion for their story and who they are, because really and truly we are just doing our best. Lastly, we find this connection with others that give us purpose on the planet. Especially woman, but we all want to know that our lives mean something. That our struggles aren’t just to make life miserable, but meaningful.

Phones, The True Chains That Bind Us

I love my cell phone…absolutely a fabulous invention. Between music, books, calendars and contact with others I can get some much done remotely. Don’t come between me and my phone LOL. That being said, I miss the days that I could leave my house without that connection.

When phones had cords, we were free. We didn’t have expectations placed on us to respond to someone immediately. We didn’t have these tethers to some device that bound us to the world. With all of this access at our fingertips, the world follows us wherever we go….is that actually a good thing? At times yes, at times no. How good are we at making that distinction? As a society, are we placing unhealthy boundaries, or really no boundaries, on people? It really bothers me when I hear of people saying,

“Why didn’t you comment on my post?”

“Why didn’t you message me back(after 20mins)?”

What kind of instant gratification people are we that we get bothered if people don’t answer our call, text, email immediately? Really…I’m going to let you in on a secret….you don’t owe ANYBODY ANYTHING. Yes that was intentionally shouted at you. I want you to get this. You are under no obligation to respond to people. It is absolutely your choice to do this. If people aren’t returning your messages…..well….again, as your friend, that’s a signal. Are you blowing up their phone? Are you forwarding dumb emails? I know I am guilty of doing this from time to time, both sides of this coin. As you, and I, reflect on how we are bound to our devices, be truthful and respectful…and also kind. Be kind to others and yourself for our stumbles. We are humans trying to manage and balance our lives, we get to have some grace too.

So which side do you fall on? Are you good about creating boundaries with your devices?